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Wedding Customs & Rituals
Wedding Customs
Information courtesy: Australian Federal Civil Celebrants Association
Disclaimer: traditions have been created and reinvented since time began. While the origins are debatable, here are just a few wedding traditions so please enjoy!
Traditionally, the bride would stand on the left because that is the side closest to the groom’s heart. In Feudal times, the right arm was considered the sword arm of most fighting men. If a man had to protect his bride, he would hold her with his left hand, and fight off attackers with his right arm.
“Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue, and a silver sixpence for your shoe.” A Victorian tradition, where something old refers to the links with the bride’s family and her old life. At that time, most brides wore something belonging to their mother or grandmothers. Something new usually referred to future good fortune and success and came to be something presented by the groom to his bride, such as a necklace or personal jewelry. Wearing something borrowed from a happily married woman was important, as was something blue, which in Biblical times represented purity, modesty and fidelity. Blue also denoted the purity of the Virgin Mary and as religions consolidated, this sort of symbolism became increasingly important. Many Israeli brides wore a band of blue on their wedding attire and in modern times, many garters are blue for that reason. Placing a silver sixpence in the bride’s left shoe is a symbol of wealth. This is not just to bring the bride financial wealth but also a wealth of happiness and joy throughout her married life.
Traditionally, the leap year proposal was an anomaly of English law, where the leap year day had no recognition. The day was ‘leapt over’ and therefore as it had no acknowledgement the normal rules and traditions also didn’t apply. So the woman could ask the man to marry her. The word ‘bride’ originally was the term for a ‘cook’!
In olden times, the bride was expected to bring a substantial ‘dowry’ of money, jewels, animals and valuables to her marriage. However, the groom was not exempt – he paid a ‘bride’s price’ to her family, indicative of his faithful support of the bride.
The engagement ring served as partial payment for the bride and some historians argue that it was the equivalent of branding the bride as taken or claimed property.
There are two strongly held beliefs about why the engagement and wedding ring are worn on the third finger, left hand. The first is a Christian belief dating back to the 17th century, where during the marriage, the priest would symbolically touch thumb and first finger together (the Father), middle finger and thumb (the Son) and the ring finger and thumb (and the Holy Spirit). Medieval bridegrooms placed the ring on each of the bride’s fingers in turn, to symbolize God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit, with the ring then remaining on the third finger. The second belief refers to the ancient Egyptians however, who believed that the “vein of love” runs between the ring finger and the heart. Therefore the ring on the ring finger, left hand, symbolized the heartfelt love and commitment to one another. Although modern medicine has disproved this belief, showing that the veins in the ring finger are no more and no less important than any other veins, the tradition of the left hand ring finger still dominates.
The bridal party was a Roman tradition. There was concern that evil spirits might jinx the poor married couple, so friends of both the bride and groom got equally as dressed up, so the confused spirits would not know who was marrying. Therefore they could not cast an evil spirit over the happy couple.
The Romans believed that the bride should wear a veil for if the evil spirits could not see the bride, they would not be floating around on her wedding day. The tradition of the groom lifting the bride’s veil prior to the ceremony starting refers to the groom just checking which woman he was actually marrying, and to confirm that the one he paid for, was the one he was marrying! However, if the bride took the initiative of lifting her veil, apparently it meant the bride was presenting herself to him, thereby showing independence.
In ancient times, it was believed that strong smelling herbs and spices would ward off and drive away bad spirits, bad luck and ill health. Garlic and chives were popular first choices. A bride of the time usually carried stinking garlands of flowers to keep evil spirits away which has led to the infamous bride’s bouquet.
Wedding rituals
Rose/Flower Ceremony
After the vows, the bride and groom can give each other a flower as their first gift as husband and wife. It can be a promise that whenever they argue through their marriage they will always present each other with a flower to say sorry. Alternatively the bride and groom can present their mothers with a flower as a token of their thanks and love. In fact, a flower can be given to anyone at the ceremony!
Rose ritual for bride and groom
Bride and Groom have chosen a Rose Ceremony as a symbol of their love for each other. Your gift to each other for your wedding today has been your wedding rings, which shall always be an outward demonstration of your vows of love and respect; and a public showing of your commitment to each other. You now have what remains the most honourable titles that may exist between a man and a woman – the titles of “husband” and “wife.” In the past, the rose was considered a symbol of love and a single rose always meant only one thing – it meant the words “I love you.” So it is appropriate that your first gift as husband and wife would be a single rose. Please exchange your first gift as husband and wife. That rose says the words: “I still love you.” The other should accept this rose for the words which cannot be found and remember the love and hope that you both share today.
Rose ritual for mothers
Long before our bride and groom were standing here, they were loved and nurtured by two very special ladies. Can our two mothers please come forward and stand next to their children? Bride’s Mother and Groom’s Mother, our bride and groom wanted to acknowledge you on their wedding day with a gift of a single rose as their way of saying thank you for everything you have done to make them the person they are today. Thank you mums! (Bride and groom give their mothers a rose)
Sand Ceremony
The bride and groom pour coloured sand (or salt) from individual glasses into a larger centre glass as a symbolic act of the blending of their lives and families. As the grains of sand will never be able to be separated, so the couple are bonded for life.
Two variations on a wedding sand ceremony:
• A parents’ variation of the sand ceremony is a great way to involve the couple’s parents. Each set of parents, the bride and the groom have a vase with different coloured sand. The parents take turns to pour their sand into the central vase before the couple, creating a layered effect. This symbolizes their support of the couple in marriage.
• A children’s variation of the sand ceremony is perfect if the couple have children together already, or have children from a previous relationship. Each child, the bride and the groom have a small vase with coloured or white sand and they pour this into the central vase just before the couple finish pouring in their sand. This provides a layer where the couple’s and children’s sands are mixed. The children can then pour the rest of their sand on top of the couple’s sand.
Bride and Groom, the individual urns of sand represent your two families and your separate lives. As these urns of sand are poured into the family urn, the individual urns of sand will no longer exist, but will be joined together as one. Just as these grains of sand can never be separated and poured again into the individual urns, so will your marriage and family be, united as one for all of your days. Please unite your sand
OR
Bride and Groom today you are making a life-long commitment to share the rest of your lives with each other. Your relationship is symbolized through the pouring of these two individual containers of sand; one, representing you, Bride and all that you were, all that you are and all that you will ever be; and the other representing you, Groom and all that you were and all that you are and all that you will ever be.
As you each hold your sand, the separate containers of sand represent your lives to this moment; individual and unique. As you now combine your sand together, your lives also join together as one.
You may now blend the sand together symbolizing the uniting of the Bride and Groom into one.
Lovers’ Knot / Hand Fasting
The bride and groom’s hands are tied with ribbon or rope (usually when they say their vows) and then their hands are removed and the knot is fastened. The tied knot symbolizes their eternal tie.
Bride and Groom have chosen to have a hand fasting. Hand fasting is a Celtic ritual that involves tying together the hands of the Bride and Groom, to symbolize the coming together and staying together of the couple throughout their lives. Bride and Groom will you link your hands please? (Celebrant drapes a ribbon over the hands) As this ribbon is tied, so are your lives bound together. With the entwining of this ribbon, we tie all the dreams, love and happiness wished here in this place to your lives, for as long as love will last. Woven into this ribbon, into its very fibres, are all the hopes of your family and friends as well as your own dreams, for your new life together.
OR
This silken ribbon entwines two hearts in love together. Friendship’s dearest pledge is made in joy forever. United you will walk through life sharing Earth’s pain and pleasure. Hand in hand you shall strive for achievement in life together. Should the path be rough and thorny let love sustain and guide you. Should the way be strewn with roses let the joy of life sustain you. Now I tie this lovers’ knot, you two are joined in oneness. Gentle are the bonds of this union, pull one way and the bonds are strengthened, pull the other way and they are loosened.
OR
Seven coloured ribbons will now be loosely tied around Bride’s and Groom’s joined hands, each with a separate blessing:
Red – for strength and courage, good health, prosperity, and longevity;
Orange – for open hearts, sensitivity and understanding;
Yellow – for enthusiasm, spontaneity and equality;
Green – for compassion, affection and caring;
Blue – for sincerity, easy self-expression and honest communication;
Purple – for clear vision and wisdom, for peace and harmony in all ways; and
Gold – for unity, divine blessing and presence in your lives.
Release of Butterflies
The bride and groom release butterflies and the celebrant invite guests to make a wish for the couple.
This is an old American Indian legend. If anyone desires a wish to come true they must first capture a butterfly and whisper that wish to it. Since a butterfly can make no sound, the butterfly cannot reveal the wish to anyone but the Great Spirit who hears and sees all. In gratitude for giving the beautiful butterfly its freedom, the Great Spirit always grants the wish. So, according to legend, by making a wish and giving the butterfly its freedom, the wish will be taken to the heavens and be granted. We have gathered to grant this couple all our best wishes and are about to set these butterflies free in trust that all these wishes will be granted.
Candle Lighting Ceremony
Despite having religious significance, candle-lighting is quite common as a symbolic act of blending and binding. Whilst this ceremony can take many forms, it’s common that the bride and groom light individual small candles and together light a larger centre candle as a symbolic act of their union. A candle lighting ceremony can also be performed as a memorial to acknowledge a family member or close friend who is no longer with us.
Bride and Groom, the two individual candles represent your two families and your separate lives. They also represent the brightness and warmth of your love that you bring into your relationship. Bride and Groom, please light your candles.
(Bride and Groom light individual candles)
I ask that each of you take your candles and that together you light the centre marriage candle.
(Bride and Groom light marriage candle)
The individual candles represent your lives before today. The flame from the first candle is not diminished when it lights the marriage candle but is made stronger and brighter. May this marriage candle represent the joining of your love, your lives, families and cultural heritage
Ring Warming Ceremony
The wedding rings are passed around the guests (all or just the immediate family) and each person makes a wish for the couple. This ritual is especially touching if the bride and groom have young children from a previous relationship – it involves them in the ceremony and asks for their blessing.
(To CHILDREN) I ask you to bless these rings and as you hold them in your hands, may the warmth from your hearts bring warmth to the rings.
(CHILDREN pass the rings to Bride and Groom)
(To Bride and Groom) These rings, now warmed by those you love the most, will forever show the world that you are one and they will carry with them the eternal love and blessing of your children.
Time Capsule
This ritual can take many forms. The couple can ask guests to bring something on the day to place in a time capsule. It can be opened on any anniversary (1st, 5th, 10th etc…) Some nice ideas are photos, wish notes, letters, a bottle of wine (fitting if at a winery) and newspaper clippings from that day.
Adding Flowers to the Bouquet
The bride collects flowers from all or certain guests (special individuals) and places them in her bouquet as she walks down the aisle. This is a nice idea to include someone when you can’t think how else to! The flowers can represent the support from her family and friends.
For many people, flowers are something special in their lives. As family and friends, you are very special to the Bride and Groom. That is why they asked people to bring flowers today so Bride can use these flowers in her bouquet. The gathering of the flowers as she walked down the aisle is like a gathering of the people important in their lives, joined together, to stand with her and Groom as they exchange their marriage vows.
Wishing Stones
Before the ceremony starts the celebrant hands out wishing stones or marbles to all the guests who during the ceremony hold the stone in the palm of their hands and make a wish for the couple. After the ceremony the guests are invited to place their stones into a glass jar. When all the stones are in the jar, the jar is sealed and becomes a keepsake for the couple representing the wishes of all their family and friends.
Honouring Deceased Loved Ones
It can be quite touching for the bride and groom and their families if any special deceased loved ones are acknowledged during the ceremony. This can be done through lighting a candle, flowers or having a framed photo of the deceased on the signing table.
Invoking the Four Directions
In many cultures it is believed that the human soul shares characteristics with all things divine. It is this belief which assigned virtues to the four cardinal directions: east, south, west and north. It is according to this belief that we align ourselves with these elements. Each of these blessings forms the four cardinal directions, which emphasise those things that will help to build a happy and successful union.
(Bride and Groom to face each of the four directions)
Please turn to the East… May this union be influenced with the gifts of the East and the element of Air, for openness and breath, communication of the heart, and purity of the mind and body. From the east you receive the gift of a new beginning with the rising of each Sun and the understanding that each day is a new opportunity for growth.
Please turn to the South… May this union be influenced with the gifts of the South and the element of Fire, for energy, passion, creativity and the warmth of a loving home. From the fire within you generate light, which you will share with one another in even the darkest of times.
Please turn to the West… May this union be influenced with the gifts of the West, the element of Water, for your capacity to feel emotion. In marriage you offer absolute trust to one another, and vow to keep your hearts open in sorrow as well as joy
Please turn to the North… May this union be influenced with the gifts of the North, the element of Earth, which provides sustenance, fertility and security. The earth will feed and enrich you and help you to build a stable home to which you may always return.
As above, so below. As within, so without.
May the four elements converge as the centre of this union.
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